


stasis

by speakingincode



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, because romcoms have to be in new york, pro volleyball player ushijima and office worker tendou, tendou also works in tokyo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 20:46:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17128457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speakingincode/pseuds/speakingincode
Summary: Tendou's eyes are glazing over a spreadsheet he doesn't have enough energy to decipher when his phone buzzes with a notification from Ushijima.My next game is in Tokyo, Ushijima texts him, like he doesn't know.Or: In Tendou's third year of high school, he was ready for Ushijima to leave him behind. Four years later, he's still here.





	stasis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Flashinglightyears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flashinglightyears/gifts).



> this is for [tokageza](https://stateofshambles.tumblr.com) for the haikyuu secret santa 2018! hey, tokageza! this is... a lot. but i really hope you find a way to enjoy it! i died and was born a lot of times while writing this, but i had a ton of fun doing it. 
> 
> ushiten's always been the ship i've loved but been too scared to write, and this is the fic i always theoretically wanted to write for them, so i'm really glad your prompt and this event kicked me in the ass to do it. like, it really means a lot to me. i hope this fic ends up meaning at least a little to you <3
> 
> also, every time we've talked you've been super sweet. thank you for that :''')
> 
> thanks to everyone who helped rectify my sorely lacking hq knowledge and listened to me suffer while i wrote this. yall know who you are! i'm so sorry.
> 
> please enjoy the fic! and thanks for reading :')

Satori's eyes are glazing over a spreadsheet he doesn't have enough energy to decipher when his phone buzzes with a notification from Wakatoshi.

 _My next game is in Tokyo_ , Wakatoshi texts him, like he doesn't know.

"Why are you grinning like that?" Noda asks, wrinkling her nose at Satori from the seat next to him and unsubtly glancing at his computer screen. "It's creepy."

"Nosy," Satori says, even though she's been doing this since he started working here. "Shouldn't you do your work? You'll end up doing overtime again. Someone as pleasant to be around as you has to have someone waiting for you, don'tcha?"

"You're-" Noda starts to say, and then pauses, looking at Satori more thoughtfully than his comment calls for. "-right. I forgot to put Kobe-san's dinner out," she says. "He's going to chew on my shoes."

"Not to say I told you so, Noda-chan," Satori sings, watching her balk at the nickname. 

Noda shakes her head. "Said like someone who doesn't spend all day on FSPN. Ushijima Wakatoshi could probably take out a restraining order on you."

"Don'tcha do the same thing? Hisakawa Tarou, right?" Satori points out. 

The first time Noda saw him reading volleyball articles, she talked his ear off about Wakatoshi's team captain - the way she's been following him religiously since middle school, and how, as far as Satori can tell, she hasn't stopped. 

"Eh? Don't compare Hisakawa to Ushijima! He's a legend, you know. It's not the same as your weird crush." Noda sniffs. "Anyway, you're lucky I was nosy. You put this number in the wrong box." She points to the spreadsheet. "That's why it says our profits are so high."

"Hn," Satori says.

"You noticed, didn't you? Did you think we became a megacorporation overnight?"

"Hn," Satori says again.

"I could have sworn they moved you up here because we 'needed your expertise.'" Noda sighs. "Anyway. Don't tell me to focus on work while you're grinning at your phone like a schoolgirl."

"How much have you gotten done today, Noda-chan?"

She shoots him a look and grumbles incoherently as she goes back to her game of Minesweeper. Satori looks back his phone and starts typing something out.

_friday, right? you guys are playing tokio, arentcha? saw your game last tuesday. everyone knew you were gonna win but that was some final spike! miracle boy~_

_i have a meeting on friday >.< consultant something or the other-san. office work is a drag, wakatoshi-kun. i think i'll skip it to see you instead~_

Satori thinks about messing around some more - reading up some on Tokio, even though they might be the most boring team to grace the Earth, or telling Wakatoshi about the new strange thing his nosy coworker did, but he feels Noda staring daggers at him and turns back to his computer. 

After about an hour of trying to figure out what Noda was trying to tell him about his spreadsheet, his phone buzzes again.

_OK._

* * *

On the day of their high school graduation, only Eita and Tsutomu cried.

Which pretty much lined up with everyone's expectations. Tsutomu didn't really have the right to be crying, but they wouldn't be Shiratorizawa if they didn't give him a pass, and when Eita broke down (and everyone knew he would), Reon stepped in after he saw how ineffective Satori's awkward pats on the back were. If he was going to lose it, he couldn't have after that. But Reon never struck him as the type. 

As for Wakatoshi, Satori doesn't think he cried even as a baby, and, well. Maybe the same thing goes for him, too.

In another situation, watching Eita and Tsutomu cry like someone died in front of them, he might have felt strange about not feeling the same way. He remembers his middle school graduation, the way his classmates sobbed into each other's arms, the way his coach put her hand on his shoulder when she told him to do well in the future. How he couldn't brush the thought that he couldn't imagine missing them. How it felt, a little bit, like he wasn't really there at all.

It wasn't the same. Shiratorizawa had always been different, and even though "missing" was a stronger word than Satori would use, it wasn't completely wrong, either. Even if he'd gotten over the fact he was leaving long before any of the rest of them.

But maybe it was because it was Shiratorizawa that Satori didn't feel out of place. Wakatoshi, standing next to him, showing as much emotion as Satori was. That had always been something.

There is one thing, though, that Satori still remembers about that day, sharper than anything else - the awkwardness of Eita sobbing next to him, the nostalgic melancholy wafting through the air, the vague thought that he'd never see the inside of the gym the same way again. A memory he's never been able to shake.

Him and Wakatoshi, standing outside the restaurant the volleyball club had their last team lunch at, about to go their separate ways. Ignoring the sense of finality washing over him as he grinned at Wakatoshi and said, "Make me proud, miracle boy! When you get famous, don't forget who was your best friend!"

Wakatoshi furrowed his eyebrows the way he always did and said, "Okay." 

Satori laughed, which was as easy to do then as it was every day he saw him, and then he turned around and he could swear he saw something in the expanding silence. Just as he was wondering if it would be enough to make him feel something, Wakatoshi said something else.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

And just like that - maybe just because of that - he did.

* * *

Satori isn't able to get out of the meeting - something from Noda about "I asked and they said this is what they moved you up here for, Tendou!" - but it doesn't last as long as Satori thought it would. After shrugging off the pats on his back from his superiors and dodging their invitations to go out for drinks, he ends up at the stadium halfway through the second set.

It isn't an interesting game (Wakatoshi is clobbering them) but he's sitting near the front and he can't help it if he yells, "You can do it, miracle boy!" at Wakatoshi a couple times. He doesn't seem to hear any of them, but he waves back at Satori between sets once.

After the game (five sets, to Wakatoshi's captain's chagrin and Tokio's severely dashed hopes), Satori waits at a soba chain inside the nearby train station. Wakatoshi arrives while Satori's in the restroom and when Satori sees him, he's picking up the ¥1100 takeout and soju-Satori-drank-while-while-waiting tab like the hero he is.

"Eh, Wakatoshi-kun! That was pretty boring game! Next time you shouldn't play so well!" Satori says when he sees him, and he sees Wakatoshi's face light up the way only he notices, even if it is obscured by a baseball cap and sunglasses. There's a bag slung over his shoulder that would make him look like a high schooler if he wasn't such a mountain.

"Sorry," Wakatoshi says, and Satori slaps him on the back, which probably hurts his hand more than it hurts Wakatoshi. He picks up the takeout from his corner table before Wakatoshi can.

"Thanks for picking up the tab, though," he says, beckoning Wakatoshi out of the restaurant with a tilt of his head. Wakatoshi nods at him in acknowledgement.

While they walk to the train, they don't speak, for Wakatoshi's benefit. The station is too loud for conversation, and Wakatoshi is still overwhelmed by Tokyo and its crowded junctions the same way everyone from Miyagi is, turning his head to read every flashing ad and store sign. Wakatoshi's been coming to Tokyo far longer than Satori, but he guesses he focuses so much on volleyball every time he comes, he never really settles in.

They're on their way to Satori's apartment, which they've been doing for a while. Satori went to the hotel room they put Wakatoshi up in just to see how fancy it was once, but it was pretty boring and Wakatoshi's usually sharing the room with a teammate. Satori rubs them the wrong way more often than not, maybe on purpose.

They make the second-to-last train. It isn't as crowded as it could be, a little after rush hour on a Thursday night.

Satori finds a lone empty space in the middle of a row and calls, "Hey, miracle boy, come sit down!" because he's a gentleman and also because Wakatoshi just played a five-set game of volleyball and Satori just spent about three straight hours sitting down in different places.

Wakatoshi complies with an even "Okay," and Satori can't tell if he's grateful (or even needed) the seat, but he grins down at him anyway. 

"Gotta make sure the MVP gets his rest!" Satori says, still grinning from ear to ear and Wakatoshi tilts his head.

"The season isn't over," he says. "I'm not the MVP."

"Not yet, Mr. Modest," Satori says. He brings his hand to his chin in thought, and Wakatoshi takes the takeout bags dangling from his arm and puts them on his lap. "Though, I could've swore I saw your team giving you trouble even though you won them the game! Especially your captain!"

Wakatoshi furrows his eyebrows and frowns a little. "They were fine."

"You know we'd never treat you like that," Satori says. He flexes an arm. "If they ever give you problems, I can beat them up for you, Wakatoshi-kun! Even that old guy!"

"I don't need you to do that," Wakatoshi says, and Satori laughs.

"Eh, but-" Satori starts to say when a tiny girl in a high school uniform pokes her head over from behind him.

"Sorry, did you say 'Wakatoshi-kun'? I almost didn't notice, but are you Ushijima Wakatoshi-san?" she asks, eyes wide.

"He's on my varsity team!" Satori says at the same time Wakatoshi says, "Yes, I am."

The girl pretends not to see Satori, or maybe really can't see Satori between the stars in her eyes. "Wow, really? My dad's gonna lose it when he hears about this! We've been cheering for the Miracles since I was a kid and we can finally be happy about it because of you! Uh..." She glances down at the bags on Wakatoshi's lap and tries to make out his expression through his thick sunglasses, and then sticks out a hand. "Th-Thanks a lot!"

"No problem," Wakatoshi says, shaking her hand, which goes limp the second Wakatoshi touches it.

"Ah, it's rude to ask for a picture, right? Umm..." She digs through her bag for a good couple of minutes and fishes out a wristband and a permanent marker. "If it's okay, uh... could you sign this?" She bites her lip and doesn't look straight at him, as if preparing herself for rejection.

"Okay," Wakatoshi says, and he takes the wristband from her and writes his name on it.

He's about to hand it back, and then Satori asks her, "What's your name?"

She startles when he speaks, reflexively leaning a little back when she sees him. "Oh, uh... Shibata Michiko," she says.

"What's your dad's name?"

"Tooru," she answers, looking at Satori weirdly.

"Hey, Wakatoshi-kun, write 'To Michiko and Tooru,' above that, alright?" Satori tells him.

"Okay." Wakatoshi scribbles the names on the worn wristband. "Here," he says, handing the wristband to Michiko. She takes it with both hands, glancing nervously between the both of them, and then almost falls over when the train comes to an abrupt stop.

"Th-Thank you so much! I..." She nods her head, and her almost bug out when something catches her eye outside the train window. "I missed my stop! Uh, but thank you," she says again, and pushes her way out of the train car. 

"Keep supporting Wakatoshi-kun, okay?" Satori calls, putting his hand on Wakatoshi's shoulder. "Oh, and careful on your way home!" Michiko nods, and when she's on the platform, she waves at Satori through the window. As he watches her dart up the stairs, he says, "Her dad thinks you're cool."

"Mhm," Wakatoshi agrees.

"Y'know, I don't think you're supposed to tell people it's you when they ask, though. Did your manager talk to you about that?"

"He told me to wear a hat when I go outside, and sunglasses when I go to crowded places," Wakatoshi replies, holding the rim of his baseball cap as if to show it off.  _Potari Sweat_  is emblazoned on the front. "He also said to avoid people trying to interview me after we play."

"Eh? That's why I never see you talking after games? That's the only reason I keep the TV on after you guys win!" Satori says. "He doesn't sound like much fun."

"He gave me this hat," Wakatoshi replies. Satori considers it.

"Huh! I guess I've never seen you in anything other than the paddy hat your mom made you wear when you were working outside," Satori says. "I think you looked better in that, though!"

"No one made me wear that. It was for the sun," Wakatoshi says.

That’s a funny thought, high school Wakatoshi always making sure to get his hat before he goes out in the fields. To make sure he didn’t get sunburned, or something. Satori feels himself grin a little bit wider.

Those afternoons at his house are kind of nice to remember. Satori thinks about the way he used to look when he'd go to his house and find him out in fields, wearing the paddy hat like some kind of old man. How his face would light up the way only Satori noticed, even as he told him to be careful to not trample the plants as he stumbled over.

The strange, light satisfaction in his chest as he watched Wakatoshi, with his impenetrable concentration as he picked bugs off of corn stalks.

Before Satori realizes it, he's saying, "I missed you, Wakatoshi-kun."

Wakatoshi tilts his head, like he doesn't understand what brought Satori to say that, which makes sense because Satori doesn't even think he understands it, at least not enough to explain it.

Instead of asking him to, Wakatoshi replies, "I missed you, too."

* * *

These days, Satori only remembers university as a blur of impressing his classes with the way he could turn around an argument, impressing himself with the way he could talk his professors into giving him extensions, and impressing Wakatoshi (maybe - even Satori wouldn't be able to tell through the phone) with how many mundane things he could bother him about.

Oh, and: being impressed with how much Wakatoshi was willing to put up with and, maybe, just offhandedly, the way he was on the road to becoming the face of Japanese volleyball, or something.

It wasn't like nothing happened in college; people drafted him into their study groups and took him with them when they went to karaoke or have group dates. He went to parties, dicked around with his classmates around campus, and dated a couple of people - a girlfriend in his first year, and two boyfriends in his first and second. 

There were people there who meant something to him, who gave him advice when he wanted it and didn't want it.

After university ended, he kept in touch with them, went out for drinks with them semiregularly until work moved him to Tokyo. Every now and then they still talk, or meet up if something brings them up to the city.

But Satori didn't cry at that graduation, either. Though - it isn't right to compare that to high school. There's probably nothing in the world that compares to the way it felt to play volleyball the way he did with Shiratorizawa. Especially when it comes to Wakatoshi.

And that's why it makes sense, maybe, that his most vivid memories of his time at university are the in-betweens.

Winters spent draped over the kotatsu at the Ushijima residence while rambling to Wakatoshi about how weird it is to go to a college where people obsess over basketball, summers spent reading manga in Wakatoshi's backyard while he does practice drills alone, even the afternoons he spent hanging off his bed and talking to Wakatoshi on the phone.

That last one - that didn't start until university. It never made sense in high school to call when you could text or just go over unannounced, unless someone was bleeding out, and for a while, Satori figured it was fine, just texting. 

It was an uncharacteristically sappy thought, but Satori thought there was a way of being there that didn't involve being there, and he thought they'd perfected it.

Satori sending him spontaneous rambles on random things going on in his life, and Wakatoshi's semi-interested one-word answers - their relationship was essentially the same as it used to be.  After all, it wasn't like their friendship was ever that emotionally charged, or at least not the way other peoples' friendships were.

It was only one afternoon after a particularly taxing week, when he was bored and surfing through websites for a movie to watch when his browser suggested him an article -  _Star Player Ushijima Wakatoshi Costs Team Deciding Game_ \- and Satori remembered there was a little more to friendship than funny stories and aimless rambling _._

Calling Wakatoshi was a shot in the dark, even if it was approaching evening.

Satori thinks now he probably decided to call exactly because of that; it'd been a while, then, since he had that kind of conversation, and he usually had it with Eita or one of the underclassmen. Talking to Wakatoshi that way had been daunting in a way things hadn't been daunting for a long time.

But Wakatoshi answered when Satori called, with a blank, "Hello?"

"Hey, Wakatoshi-kun! I missed the sound of your voice," he said to him. The kind of nonchalant compliment Wakatoshi wouldn't think twice about. "Are you busy?"

"Practice is over. I took a shower."

Satori draped himself over his bed and exhaled. "Man, that's something I sure don't miss about volleyball! The way Coach Tanji worked us made me wonder if he knew we were human beings," Satori commented. He bit the inside of his cheek and then spoke. "Anyway, how've you been? Anything interesting happen lately?"

"We lost against Tokyo U," Wakatoshi told him, voice even.

"Ehh?" Satori asked, maybe playing up the whine in his voice too much. "What happened?"

"I fumbled the ball Takatsuki-san set me," Wakatoshi said, no trace of pause or hesitation. "I shouldn't have."

"Huh! So even you make silly mistakes, Wakatoshi-kun," Satori commented. He turned over on his bed to stare at the chipped paint on the wall. "Well, I knew that. Everyone does that kinda thing, y'know? Not like you never did it with us." He adjusted the position of his cell phone a little, and then spoke again. "It's not your fault the game got to deuces. That's on the whole team."

For a while, Wakatoshi didn't reply. Satori wondered if he was preparing to argue, or if he figured out why Satori called instead of texted. But if he did either of those things, he never brought it up.

Instead, in a tone of voice that made Satori certain he was smiling, Wakatoshi said, "Yes."

The line was quiet, for a good couple of minutes. For the first time in a long time, Satori was at a loss for words. He thought about bringing up the random stuff he always did - the last TV show he watched, the new weird thing one of his classmates told him - but it didn't feel right, to change the subject that way. 

He laid there for a while, listening to the sound of the feedback over the phone, wondering if Wakatoshi was going to hang up, when Wakatoshi said, "I read the new issue of  _Shonen Jump_."

"Eh, you did?" Satori thought Wakatoshi had stopped reading manga a long time ago, that he'd just been humoring Satori when he listened to him rant. It was weird to think that still kept up with it.

"The new chapter upset me," he said, voice a little too even for the words he was saying. "I don't like that she died."

"Yeah," Satori said, "you're right. I get that they were trying to be symbolic and all with the way they did it, but she really was the only good character, don'tcha think?"

"Mhm," Wakatoshi said, and Satori and Wakatoshi spent the rest of the evening doing the same thing they always do. 

But while he was detailing to Wakatoshi every single reason his favorite mangaka's latest decision was bad and listening to Wakatoshi's even one-word answers of assent (or, when he was feeling particularly strongly, "I thought that was fine."), Satori realized something he thinks he knew at some point, but then forgot.

Wakatoshi was listening, whenever Satori spoke.

Things hadn't been exactly the same after all.

The next free afternoon Satori had, he dialed Wakatoshi's number.

* * *

Satori's rewatching a horror movie they're airing on one of the old movie channels when Wakatoshi emerges from his bathroom, cloud of steam following behind him. His hair's still a little wet.

"You're finally done? I'm so hungry, it feels like I've been waiting forever!" Satori says, stretching his arms out and knocking the stuffed animal next to him on its side. He turns off the television and stands up. "You smell nice, Wakatoshi-kun."

"I used your soap," Wakatoshi says, adjusting the stuffed animal back to its sitting position and then following Satori to his tiny kitchen table. 

Satori starts fumbling with the takeout bags, emptying the contents onto the table. He fishes out a small bottle of sake from a paper bag inside the plastic and sets it in front of Wakatoshi. "I got you this from the convenience store in the station! It's that weird brand you always get. Since you played so well!"

"Thank you," Wakatoshi says, and Satori sets a plastic and sauce container in front of him.

"Though, I guess it's not like you ever don't play well," Satori says, maybe thoughtfully. "It's not is a super pricey brand, though. You could probl'y have it every time you play! Guess that might not be so great for your liver, though."

"Hm."

"Well, you've got a bottle now!" Satori decides. "Anyway, let's just eat. Feels like I haven't in ages!" He takes the lid off the container in front of him, and Wakatoshi does the same thing. 

"Thanks for the food," Wakatoshi says, and Satori repeats after him.

Satori eats slowly; it isn't like the fast food is really anything to savor, but he likes watching Wakatoshi while he eats.

Most of the athletic guys he knows eat the same way, inhaling the meals in front of them like it's the first time they've ever seen food, and it isn't like that doesn't go for Wakatoshi. Unlike those guys, though, Wakatoshi's family has always been pretty traditional and pretty strict with him, so he eats quickly, but somehow, still like a proper little gentleman.

It's kind of fitting, maybe, that Wakatoshi's even mastered efficiency and grace when it comes to eating, but mostly, Satori thinks, it's just funny.

"So how've you been?" Satori finally asks, when Wakatoshi's made his way halfway through his plate. "Your team's really been treating you well? The papers sure don't think so!" And it didn't seem like that at the game, either.

"Sometimes they make me go to clubs with them," Wakatoshi says, and Satori can't tell if Wakatoshi counts that as a point in their favor or not. Satori also definitely can't imagine Wakatoshi at a club.

"Eh? You never even went on group dates at Shiratorizawa!" 

Not for lack of trying; Eita liked setting them up and Satori always invited Wakatoshi out of sheer curiosity. But those always fell through; most of the girls ended up cancelling because they were only interested in flirty Wakatoshi. In that sense, Satori's always been one of the girls.

Wakatoshi twists the cap off of the bottle of sake. "Shinomiya-san told me to say yes when they invite me out."

"Your manager?" Wakatoshi really must rub them the wrong way. Satori picked that up the last time he met one of his teammates, but still. Talk about ungrateful. "What kinda advice is that? What if they invite you to go jumping off a bridge?"

"I won't go," Wakatoshi says simply, and then takes a sip from his sake bottle. It's somehow dainty, for how huge his fingers are. 

The sight distracts Satori enough to almost make him laugh, but he remembers what they were talking about and almost sighs.

Maybe he should talk to Wakatoshi about his team, since his manager's too lazy to do it. Still... it's not really what Satori planned on doing, one of the few times they get to see each other like this.

Satori's still thinking when Wakatoshi puts the bottle down on the table and says, "I had an interview on TBS."

"Really?" Satori says, slurping up noodles and not looking Wakatoshi in the face. He heard about the interview, but hasn't seen it. Lately, he's only got time to catch the parts of games that are still on by the time he gets home and to read the articles they put up about him and his team on FSPN.

There'd been a short mention of the interview in one of articles he read during work, referring to it offhand as some failed fluff piece and mostly boring. Which is - the reason Satori put off watching Wakatoshi's interviews even when he had time for them. 

Interviewers always end up either getting frustrated with Wakatoshi or making fun of him (or tricking him into saying things) whenever they start talking about anything other than volleyball, which they do have to, eventually. And responses from volleyball fans always characterize Wakatoshi as cocky or bland or surprisingly stupid. 

Reading people saying those things about Wakatoshi - honestly, just  _thinking_  about them - always leaves Satori unproductively irritable, especially since those things wouldn't even matter if they were true (which they aren't).

If Satori's got free time to spend on Wakatoshi, he'd rather spend it on the stuff that matters - the actual games, the articles talking about how Wakatoshi's directing the first winning streak his team’s had in years. Not listening to what people who don't know Wakatoshi think of his personality.

And you can't fault him for that. But he can't explain it to Wakatoshi, either.

"You didn't watch it?" Wakatoshi asks, and Satori thinks he might see his face fall, which makes him feel a tinge of guilt, but more than that, he's almost certain he hears surprise in his voice, which is-

It's unexpectedly self-centered of Wakatoshi, that he just assumed Satori saw his interview. In an endearing way. He must think of Satori's life as revolving around Wakatoshi's; that he spends all his time waiting for his next game, or his next newspaper article, or his next special. Satori wonders if Wakatoshi considers that while he does things. Like,  _Tendou's going to watch this, so-_

Maybe that's Satori being self-centered, but Wakatoshi's always been a little goofy that way.

Actually, it's probably Satori's fault that Wakatoshi thinks he's so obsessed with him. It's funny; if this had happened with anyone else, Satori would probably pull back. Stop livetexting every single game he watches, or talking to him about every single article he reads, or commenting on every single post-game interview he watches. ( _your setter seems pretty shady!_ ) Desperate's never been a pretty color, even though Satori thinks he's the kind of guy who could work anything.

But this didn't happen with anyone else. It happened with  _Wakatoshi_. 

Satori kind of likes that he thinks about him that way. 

"Sorry, Wakatoshi-kun! I had a meeting that day and I forgot to set my DVR!"

Wakatoshi tilts his head. "You don't have to apologize," he says, even though Satori knows he heard the disappointment in his voice.

"I'll watch it when I have time, okay?"

"Okay," Wakatoshi says, and Satori thinks he sees a flash of contentedness flicker behind his eyes.

Just lightly, Satori laughs.

* * *

By the time Satori graduated university, or the time work moved Satori to Tokyo, Satori had already given up on giving up on his friendship with Wakatoshi.

Which is probably too dramatic of a way to put it. The reason Satori and Wakatoshi ever got so close, the reason they're still friends now, it's not because of anything cool or romantic, like the first time Satori saw Wakatoshi he knew he was a special kind of guy, or anything.

Though - it was a long time ago, but Satori thinks that might have actually happened. But Wakatoshi strikes everybody that way, Satori is pretty sure.

The reason that he and Wakatoshi are still friends now is that it's easy, to be friends with Wakatoshi. He doesn't have to watch the things he says or pretend to care about things that don't matter to him or shut up if he's talking about something dumb. Wakatoshi listens. Wakatoshi asks questions. Wakatoshi doesn’t get mad. 

And a few times, somehow only the times Satori's really needed it (because Wakatoshi, Satori thinks, is a lot better at reading people that he gets credit for) Wakatoshi's given him advice. Always harsh, always blunt, always disguised as just a statement of fact, but always exactly what Satori needs to hear.

It's never been difficult, being Wakatoshi's friend. At least in a way that matters. Him and Wakatoshi have always made sense, always stuck together like puzzle pieces, and Wakatoshi's always made the effort to stay stuck to him. It'd be harder not to match it.

There's nothing impressive about staying in stasis. 

Still, spectacular or not, it isn't like it means nothing. Sometime in the past - years ago, now - Wakatoshi redefined Satori's standard for normal, and Satori accepted it. Which meant - by the time Wakatoshi was accepted to a big V. League team, miles away from Miyagi, or the time Satori was moved to Tokyo, far from their hometown, Satori hadn't already gotten over the sense of finality that came with it. Because no sense of finality came at all.

Satori remembers, a couple of months ago, before volleyball season had started and around while Satori was still adjusting to Tokyo, he'd plopped on his couch after spending all day unpacking boxes of things he didn't remember owning, and then turning on the television. 

He’d been flipping through the channels for something to fall asleep to when he came across a bit on the daytime news about Wakatoshi's team visiting Tokyo for some kind of promotion or benefit, and he remembers thinking it was weird, how Wakatoshi never mentioned it. 

It'd been one of those situations. One of those things where if it was anyone else, if it had happened at any other time, Satori might have thought they meant something other than what they did. The first sign of what he knew was going to happen happening.

And he wouldn't be bitter about it, or even disappointed. Just an inevitable outcome that Satori had already prepared himself for, and gotten over.

But it didn't happen at any other time, and it happened with Wakatoshi. And Wakatoshi was his friend, which was as matter-of-fact as his name being Tendou Satori.

The next free afternoon Satori had, he called Wakatoshi and told him every dumb story about his new job and how everyone from the city was weird, and Wakatoshi listened. And the next time Wakatoshi came to Tokyo, Satori met him at the airport.

* * *

Eventually, Wakatoshi wins his fourth game, and he clears out of Satori's apartment with a promise to come back for the winter holidays. 

By now, Satori's used to him coming and going on the whim of his team and his manager, but it's still pretty rough, the first time he's back from his commute from work and he's alone in his apartment instead of hanging out with Wakatoshi.

For a while, it'd seemed so depressing he considered asking Noda and a couple of the other people to go out, but Noda's been pretty neurotic lately and he knows she'd get on his back about  _On a Monday night!?_ and  _Didn't you_ just  _tell the whole office you don't drink?_

Heaving a sigh, Satori tosses his work bag on the kitchen table and splays over the couch, leaning partially over the huge stuffed animal Wakatoshi got him for his last birthday. "Guess it's just you and me, Kaeru-san," he says, looking the weird, angry red frog in the eye.

Kaeru-san doesn't answer, though if she did, he'd probably say something like  _My name is Carara_  or... something. Satori can't remember if that's the mascot's actual name or a degrading approximation he'd come up with in a fit of unprompted bitterness.

Which is a funny story, and one Satori has the time to reminisce about, now that Wakatoshi's gone. 

For the better part of a year, Satori complained to Wakatoshi about a mega-popular television show, and for his birthday, Wakatoshi gave him a giant special-edition plush version of the mascot. Satori still can't tell if Wakatoshi gave it to him because he wasn't really listening while Satori complained, or if he was making fun of him, but even if it was given with malicious intent (which is funny to think about, with Wakatoshi), Satori's still grown fond of her.

She's good company when he's eating dinner in front of the TV, and if Satori leaves her on the sofa when Wakatoshi sleeps over, he hugs her while he goes to sleep. That’s always a pretty nice sight to see, first thing in the morning.

Still, Kaeru-san doesn't answer when Satori talks to her, and he's not far gone enough to start entertaining himself with imagined conversations with the mascot of a variety show.

He thinks about calling someone, one of his college buddies or maybe Eita, but he isn't in the mood for all the small-talk bullshit he'll have to wade through, especially all the excuses he'll have to make for not being better at keeping in touch.

Exhaling, Satori picks up the remotes and decides he'll settle for watching whatever's on until he passes out on the couch, but while he's flipping channels, he flips past TBS's evening news and remembers the interview Wakatoshi had been so concerned about.

Satori really isn't in a place where he wants to be in a worse mood, and really does end up tasting iron whenever he watches the way interviewers treat Wakatoshi, but it really must have been important to him, if he brought it up like that.

Wakatoshi only talks about promotional things like that if he's telling Satori something adjacent to it. Like,  _Shinomiya-san has been stern with me ever since I made a boy cry when we visited a kids' volleyball team._

(Which ended up fine. Wakatoshi taught him how to "stop serving wrong" - Wakatoshi's words - and he started looking up to him as an inspirational figure, kind of the same way the entirety of the 2012 Shiratorizawa boys' volleyball club did.)  

Anyway, even if it does end up irritating Satori, he can just pass out on the sofa and sleep it off. He doesn't have anything he needs to do today; it's not like when he's surfing the web at work. Plus, Satori doesn't think it's that long of an interview anyway.

Feeling a little bit like lead, Satori changes the input on his television and picks up his Snitch controller, navigating to the web video app. If he watches it this way, he at least can't hate-read the comments.

He types in "USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI TBS" and scrolls down a couple of minute-long news reports about his team's latest wins to a thumbnail of Wakatoshi sitting in chair with a sizably dramatic spotlight illuminating half his face. 

The interviewer immediately rubs Satori the wrong way - he's got a smug look on his face and wrinkles his nose too much while Wakatoshi talks - but the interview is pretty standard. Things like  _How did you start playing volleyball?_ or  _Where do you see your team going this year?_  or  _What are some things you're working on improving on?_  

Wakatoshi doesn't seem to be giving him what he wants, but Satori isn't completely sure  _what_  the guy wants, other than the most generic sports interview of the year.

 And then interviewer says, " _So, you started off at Shiratorizawa,_ " and Satori is immediately put on edge. " _That's a prestigious volleyball high school in Miyagi, isn't it? Of course you'd go somewhere of that caliber. But weren't you the star of that team? Above and beyond everyone else. Have you been causing friction with your teammates since your high school days?_ "

Satori inhales, clutching Kaeru-san's leg a little harder. Wakatoshi never takes the bait on questions like these, mostly because he never realizes there's bait, but that tends to end up pissing off the interviewer, which ends up with the interviewer being a dick to Wakatoshi.

Satori wonders why Wakatoshi wanted him to watch this so badly, but then Wakatoshi says-

_"Tendou Satori."_

_"What?"_

_"Tendou Satori was my best friend."_ The interviewer stares at him blankly, and then Wakatoshi amends,  _"At Shiratorizawa. If you have questions about my time there, you can ask him."_

Satori releases his grip on Kaeru-san.

" _That's- not what I was looking for,_ " the interviewer says, breathing out a half-nervous, half-condescending laugh. The kind that says  _get a load of this guy_. But something seems to cross his mind, and he composes himself again, sitting up straight in his chair. " _Still. You're usually so emotionless, I didn't think you thought of people that way... 'Best friend.' Oh, if he_ was  _your best friend, who's your best friend now? Hisakawa Tarou?_ "

He laughs to himself like he's made the most clever joke in the world, naming Wakatoshi's captain like that.

" _Hisakawa-san doesn't like me_ ," Wakatoshi points out, eyebrows furrowed.

Satori leans forward, trying to ignore the stewing in his chest. This is the reason he doesn't like watching Wakatoshi do interviews; the other person always finds some way to twist his words or trick him into saying something that means much less than they want it to, and the fans eat it all up.

He's already reaching for the remote, about to turn it off because he's too tired to deal with watching Wakatoshi get made fun of on cable television and he thinks he saw the part Wakatoshi was talking about anyway, but before Satori can do anything, Wakatoshi speaks.

" _It's still Tendou,_ " he says.

* * *

Satori's been in love before.

Well, that's probably too dramatic a statement. Satori's been with a good number of people, so he'd like to think he got somewhere close, at some point.

In his first year of university, there was a girl in his Computer Science class with a bob and a button nose, who kind of reminded Satori of the actress in  _The Bracelet_. She thought he was funny, but she ended up breaking up with him because she never felt like they were dating. That kind of confused Satori, but he didn't end up minding that much. She stayed friends with him until he moved to Tokyo.

There was another person, a little after that, that he met in a coffee-shop. Small-framed guy, Harry Potter glasses. He was pretty cute when he asked Satori on a date, but he stopped answering his texts after he kept sending him long rambles about manga. It didn't end up breaking his heart, but Satori has to admit he was a little miffed. He let  _him_  talk about his novel. Satori can't remember his name anymore.

In his second year, he dated a guy on the basketball team. He was a strange kind of guy; on their first date, he told Satori he thought he had "an interesting outlook on life." Satori still got fond of him. He liked listening to him talk, and read manga alongside him, or forced him to study when he was procrastinating too bad. 

At some party, he got drunk and slept with another guy on the basketball team, and then broke down crying in front of Satori about it the next day. The tears made Satori uncomfortable, but he told him it was fine, which somehow pissed him off. Apparently Satori didn't care enough, so they had to break up.

The guy still liked him, though, so they tried to stay friends, but he ended up cutting him off because it "hurt too much." That one was predictable; Satori knew the "staying friends" thing almost never worked (except with Reiko because they were "never really dating," he thought), so Satori took it in stride.

After that, the last person he came close with was a guy at his old job in Miyagi whose house he ended up in at couple times after office parties, but neither of them took much of an interest in each other aside from sleeping together.

Eventually, the higher-ups moved Satori to Tokyo, and the last thing they said to each other was a casual "bye" around the grocery store cake his co-workers bought for him on his last day. Which sounds depressing, but other than his face, he was a pretty boring guy.

Still, talking about love, it'd be a shame to not mention - or maybe,  _to_  his shame to mention - the crush he had Wakatoshi, back in high school. Even if they never actually dated.

And that's pretty predictable, on Satori's part. Not so much in the "having a thing for your best friend" way, but more like: "the entire Shiratorizawa boys' volleyball club and at least half the student body had a thing for Wakatoshi." Because that's the kind of guy Wakatoshi was, and the kind of guy he still is, his ungrateful volleyball team aside.

It's the kind of thing you look back on and laugh at. Like _,_ something about the naivety and futility of youth, being in love with The Most Popular Guy in School _._  Or  _It's funny I used to think of him that way, considering how close we are now._

But in high school, Wakatoshi was his best friend before he was their volleyball team's pride and joy, and Wakatoshi was his  _best friend_.

There's couple extra years on their friendship now, but they're still about as close as they were. In that sense, things have stayed the same.

In his third year of high school, sometime between getting over the fact that he'd be leaving Shiratorizawa behind and actually leaving, the infatuation left Satori a little- depressed isn't the right word, because Satori never really felt that way, but more like... defeatist, maybe. Over the fact he had a thing for Wakatoshi, the closest friend he'd ever had. Over the fact that whether he found out or not, pretty soon he wouldn't know him anymore.

The closest friend he ever had.

Those months, he felt a little bit like nothing left to lose, and he stopped filtering the words from his brain to his mouth as much as he used to. And it didn't seem like much, considering Satori barely ever filtered anything he said anyway, and it wasn't at first. Just small things, like begging Wakatoshi to remember him, or calling him his best friend. 

(Which - it's weird to remember Wakatoshi was around for when he was acting like that. It's weird he was there for that and they're still close now.)

But eventually it got so bad Eita took him aside.

He wasn't subtle about it. Told Satori to meet him alone after school, smacked him on the arm when he asked if he was about to receive a confession.

And then, when they met, sat next to him on the courtyard and without looking him in the face, asked, "Why do you say that stuff to Ushijima?" 

"What're you talking about, Semisemi?" Satori asked, and Eita glared daggers at him. 

"You know what I'm talking about," he said. "The stuff about his body being... sculpted by gods, or something. That thing about how he's got 'an ass that won't quit.'" Eita made a face at the quote. "You know, when you said that last one, Shirabu looked about ready to shank you in a back alley, so watch out for that."

Satori wasn't afraid of Kenjirou, but he was still a little on the defensive, that Eita was having this conversation with him at all. "You disagree with me? I'm just telling the truth."

Eita shakes his head. "Me and Ohira and Hayato... everyone on the team. The stuff you're saying, we don't think it's cool or funny." Eita heaved a sigh and leaned forward a little. He looked Satori in the face, brown eyes clear. "We're friends, you know? I know you're like that with everybody. But Ushijima's still our  _captain_ , even if the season's over." He frowned, just slightly, and then started talking again. "And... even if he wasn't. You shouldn't make fun of him like that. Flirting. He's always been oblivious to that stuff. It's too mean-spirited, even for you."

Satori closed his eyes, and exhaled. He turned away from Eita. "I'm not making fun of him."

"What...?" Eita asked, and Satori thought about getting up and walking away. Eita would be pissed the next day, but he got his two cents in, and he would know Satori listened. But then a soft "Oh," came from Eita's mouth, and Satori wondered where he was in life, that his crush was so obvious even Eita could figure it out.

Satori thought about walking away again. Eita coughed.

"You know..." Eita looked up at the sky, like there was something up there he couldn't take his eyes off of. Satori hoped it was a UFO. "It's our last year of high school. Pretty soon Ushijima's gonna get accepted to some big-name volleyball university in Tokyo or somewhere and you're... quitting, right?" 

"Yeah," Satori said.

"You know what Ushijima's like. He's not gonna get it if you keep up the way you are now." Eita stood up and brushed off his thighs. "I dunno, Tendou. Just think about it." And then he walked away.

Sitting alone in the courtyard, Satori did think about it.

But there was a difference between not checking the stoplight before crossing the street and jumping in front of a moving car, and in high school, Satori made his decision.

* * *

It doesn't make sense, the amount of impact a seven-and-a-half-minute video has on Satori. One the interviewer barely prepared for, that was half generic questions and stupid quips.

Satori kind of wishes he forgot about it, that conversation he had with Wakatoshi in his kitchen.

There's a reason Satori didn't listen to what Eita said, that time in the courtyard. There's a reason he'd locked those feelings firmly away when he realized Wakatoshi had no intention of leaving. It's...

_It's still Tendou._

Satori closes his eyes. His TV is autoplaying outdated news clips about the Miracles's win against Tokio, and his phone is open to his text logs with Wakatoshi.

( _I'm on the plane now._ Sent six hours ago. Wakatoshi probably got too distracted to keep updating him.)

He's staring at a blank box, at a loss for words.

He'd been planning to tell Wakatoshi what he thought of the interview when he was done. Something like  _this guy's a real jerk!_  or  _next time you meet someone like this, you should just slug 'em!_ But what Satori thought of the interview is...

On a whim, Satori scrolls through his contacts and clicks on  _Semisemi <3_. It's a shot in the dark, because he and Eita aren't as close as they were in high school, not like with Wakatoshi, and the most emotionally driven conversation he's had with him was that day in the courtyard.

But there's no one else who will get it, the way Eita can. The way he did when they spoke in high school.

The phone rings a handful of times, but Eita picks up faster than Satori would expect from someone whose last phone call he can't even remember. "Eh? Tendou? You're finally calling back? You're lucky I just got off work. You've really got a lot of nerve, calling me out of the blue like this. After ignoring the last - what? Fifteen texts I sent you? You know, Shirabu's better at texting back and we weren't even-"

"Eita-kun," Satori says, and Eita must hear something in his voice, because he stops in his tracks.

"What's wrong?" Eita asks, sudden concern taking over. It's the same tone Satori remembers hearing whenever one of the underclassmen seemed upset. He almost wants to laugh; some things never really change.

"I'm..." Satori exhales. He looks at Kaeru-san and leans into her. "I'm in love with Wakatoshi-kun."

And that's such a  _concrete_  way to put it.  _In love._ Sappy, too. But Satori doesn't know what else to call it, the way he feels when Wakatoshi's around, the way he feels when Wakatoshi's away. After all these years, what the hell is it, if it isn't love?

Eita is quiet, for a while. Which makes sense; it's one thing have this dropped on you while you're holding an intervention for someone because they're objectifying your mutual friend too much, and it's another thing to get a call out of nowhere from someone you don't talk to that much and hear them vent about their biggest insecurity.

(Well, insecurity is too strong of a word.)

But then Eita says, "Well, yeah."

"Huh?"

"Are you finally telling me you guys are dating? I thought it'd be in person, and you'd be engaged, or something. I saw that interview, with the 'best friend' thing. You guys are kinda weird. But you always seem happy, so it's fine."

Satori... should have made a better effort to keep in touch with Eita. "Huh!? We're not-" Wait. "You saw the TBS interview?"

"'Course I did. Goshiki sent it to the Shiratorizawa group chat - the one with everyone except Ushijima, I mean. Didn't you see it?"

Satori thinks about it a second. Eventually he remembers the time Eita added him to a groupchat called "ushijima updates," which he renamed "USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI #1 FANCLUB <3 <3 <3" and then immediately muted because Tsutomu and Kenjirou talk too much. "Guess I've been forgetting to check my phone these days."

"That's bullshit. Did you mute it?" Eita sighs. "I really thought you'd be into that one. Well, I'm happy for you guys anyway."

"I'm not dating Wakatoshi-kun," Satori finally clarifies. "He doesn't even know I..." Satori coughs. "I like him."

There's a stunned silence. Satori starts to worry the line cut off when Eita says, "Was it-" He pauses abruptly. "Was it hard for you to say that?"

Satori doesn't answer.

"Jesus Christ. That was the first time you ever said that? About being in love with him?" The way Eita's talking, it sounds like the sky is falling. "I thought you confessed to him after we talked that time in high school!"

"'Confessed to him'? Like in a shoujo manga?" Satori asks, sitting up. "You thought we were together and didn't tell you? For years?"

"I dunno! It made sense! Like I know you kept hitting on him, but you were a lot less  _weird_  about it. I figured you told him! What was I supposed to think?"

"Eh? How does that make  _sense_?" Satori asks. He thinks a second. "What about the guy I dated for a year and a half in university? You thought we were in an open relationship?"

"You dated a guy for a year and a half in university!?" Eita asks, and Satori realizes exactly how many texts he's ignored over the past couple of years. 

"Ha," Satori says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I guess I forgot to tell you."

"For a year and a half!?" Eita says, and then he takes a deep breath. "You guys are so  _close_. He mentioned you in his interview! God, give me a second. This is a lot to process."

"I just realized I'm still in love with my best friend," Satori says, a little too sharply, and Eita goes silent. 

For a second, Satori thinks he said too much, but then Eita says, "Offense taken." Satori doesn't answer, and then Eita sighs. "Tendou, you're really having a crisis over this? It's been  _years_. Since you realized. Since we had that conversation."

Satori is silent, and Eita breathes out again.

"Why'd you come to me? We don't even talk that much anymore. I didn't even know you had a boyfriend." He pauses, and Satori can hear a lowered radio station over the phone. "I'm just gonna tell you the same thing I told you before, you know."

"It's not the same," Satori says, fumbling with a loose-thread coming out of one of Kaeru-san’s hands. "That was our third year of high school. Wakatoshi-kun was going to leave. He doesn't have any reason to leave now."

"Tendou. What are you scared of? That you guys are gonna stop being friends?" Satori hears Eita roll his eyes. "You know he's a pro volleyball player and you're like, an office worker in a city that's miles away and you guys are so close everyone from our high school volleyball club thinks you're secretly dating. He said your name on  _national television_. I mean, it was a ten-minute daytime interview, but he still did. If you were scared he was going to leave, you should've been scared a long time ago."

The line is silent for a while.

"You think he's gonna cut you off because you have a crush on him? After everything?" On Satori’s muted TV, Wakatoshi’s sending out a winning spike. "I mean, I'm pretty sure he still talks to Shirabu."

"He told Wakatoshi-kun that he likes him?" Satori says, thinking he's making a point, but Eita yelps.

"Uh... Not that I know of," Eita says, totally inconspicuously. "Listen. He's not gonna- You have to tell him, you know?"

Satori doesn't say anything.

"Look." Eita exhales. "You do know. You knew this was exactly what I was gonna tell you when you called, and that's why you called. It's like- We're not high schoolers anymore. Sometimes you gotta suck it up and do stuff that you're scared of because you owe it to yourself, and you owe it to Ushijima," Eita says. He pauses. "And you owe it to me, because I gave you this advice a long time ago, Tendou."

Before Satori can answer, the phone clicks on the other line.

* * *

It's snowing the day Wakatoshi comes into Tokyo. 

That's romantic in its own way. Inconvenient in another, more significant way. Satori's thinking about this while he's trekking through wet snow because Wakatoshi texted him that he's three stops away.

Usually when winter starts, Wakatoshi and Satori head back to Miyagi and ring in the new year at home, and the guys from Shiratorizawa who can make it go out together sometime in between Christmas and New Years'. Satori's used to looking forward to it, even if he's not that fond of Wakatoshi's family, mostly for not being that fond of him. Maybe he deserves that, though, considering he took the favorite son away from home this year.

Which is a ridiculous story, in and of itself. It probably says something about both of them that Satori hadn't thought twice about it when it happened.

It'd been late, and Satori had been half-tipsy on soju over Korean barbecue takeout, and he'd been complaining about how everything in Tokyo sucked compared to Miyagi, and he had to experience all the everyday things that sucked about Tokyo, but he wasn't there for the cool stuff people talk about, like New Years', or the first temple visit, or Christmas. Also, he'd been to the Skytree, and he thought it was overrated.

Wakatoshi had been totally sober then. Or - Satori doesn't think he gets drunk, or if he does get drunk Satori can't tell when he's drunk, which is unsettling to think about. Anyway, Wakatoshi had been totally sober then, or not, and he'd looked him in the eye and he'd said,  _"I'll come to Tokyo on Christmas."_

Someone else, who was more responsible or had a little more common sense than half-tipsy Satori, would bring up that it'd be a pretty significant change from the last couple of year. That both of them would have to tell the guys from Shiratorizawa and run it by their families.   
  
(More to tell them than get permission; Satori's long since done with doing things like that, and he doesn't think Wakatoshi's ever let his family stop him from doing something he decided he was going to do, even if Satori's pretty sure he's never had a rebellious phase.)

But it'd been three-drink-Satori who was sitting with Wakatoshi that night, and what he said was, " _Yeah, okay!"_

And then Wakatoshi did.

Talking about romance... It's embarrassing Satori didn't realize how weird this was.

"Oh, sorry!" a voice on Satori's right calls as he gets checked on the shoulder by a person with a too-large backpack running down the stairs, and he's snapped out of autopilot.

The train station is bustling; it's a little past rush hour, but it's Christmas Eve. Couples are scrambling to get deeper into the city and office workers are lugging huge gift bags around. Satori isn't jealous of Wakatoshi for having to commute with his bags in this, even if he's probably not that out of place. Though Wakatoshi never carries that many bags anyway.

Satori parks himself by a perfume ad and scans the station. Eventually, he finds Wakatoshi's huge, extremely suspicious self in line at the kiosk, paying for a bottle of water. There's an overstuffed gym bag slung over his shoulder.

"Sure you don't want Potari Sweat?" Satori overhears the guy working the stand ask.

"Yes," Wakatoshi says.

"I mean, because- you know, your hat-"

"Hey, Wakatoshi-kun!" Satori calls from behind him, and Wakatoshi drops the change on the counter into the tip jar and turns around. He's probably happy, underneath the sunglasses and baseball cap. "Shouldn't you be dressing warmer? You'll get sick for when volleyball starts up again, and the Miracles'll be out of miracles!"

That's a pretty good line. Satori read it in FSPN a couple of days ago.

"I have gloves," Wakatoshi points out.

"Those sunglasses only make you stand out more, you know! And that baseball cap in December." Satori takes off the hat he'd been wearing - some mass-produced cotton thing he got in a office-wide Secret Santa about two years ago - and hands it to Wakatoshi. "Put this on instead." 

"Shinomiya-san told me I should wear this in Tokyo."

"Eh? When?" Satori asks. "Anyway, doesn't 'best friend' trump 'manager'?"

Wakatoshi lights up a little when Satori says "best friend." He pulls off his cap and shoves it into one of the side pockets of his bag, and then takes the winter hat from Satori. "Did you-" he starts to ask, and Satori nudges him.

"Give me the sunglasses, too," he says. "Shinomiya-san isn't here, you know. Geez."

Wakatoshi hands them to Satori, a little sheepishly, and Satori leads him out of the train station. The neighborhood Satori lives in isn't as nice as the places Wakatoshi had been used to visiting, before Satori moved, but it's a lot less crowded, too. Wakatoshi seems a little more at home at the sketchy crepe place by his apartment than under the dazzling lights around 109.

"The food's already at home! I picked up that fancy cake you wanted when I got off work," Satori says, grinning at Wakatoshi. "Hisakawa Tarou really likes it that much?"

"Hisakawa-san took his wife to that bakery the first time she came here," Wakatoshi says, which doesn't really answer his question. "When he used to play for Tokio. He told me, 'I took one bite of their strawberry cake and I knew she was the girl I was going to marry.'"

"Those things don't sound that related," Satori says. "He'd know better than me, though! It's pretty weird you guys are friends now."

Apparently Hisakawa had heard about the TBS interview and felt bad that Wakatoshi said he didn't like him, so he made an effort to talk more with him during and after practice.

During dinner once, he told Wakatoshi he was a "good kid" and an "old soul." Satori thought those were insults, but Wakatoshi seemed pretty happy about them.

That also made Hisakawa the first person to watch the TBS interview and act on it. But Satori doesn't like thinking about that.

"You didn't put gel in your hair today," Wakatoshi says while they're waiting at a traffic light. Satori remembers where he is and rests an exaggerated arm on Wakatoshi’s shoulder.

"I did!" Satori whines, pulling a face. "But I showered after work and you came in early." His hair's probably damp from the snow. "I'll fix it when we get there."

"It looks nice now,” Wakatoshi says, and Satori thinks he can see the beginning of a smile behind his eyes.

Satori looks down.

* * *

There's grease on Wakatoshi's fingers. It's a rare sight, Satori is pretty sure. He'd probably get scolded for messing up his hands while eating at home, but even Wakatoshi hasn't discovered the proper, traditional way of eating fried chicken.

Satori would want to laugh if he could stop thinking about how cliched it is to confess to your best friend on Christmas Eve.

It's a lot. Satori was kind of normal until they got to his apartment and Wakatoshi went to go take a shower and suddenly, he was alone in his living room again, except for Kaeru-san.

It was something like - the sound of running water coming from his bathroom, the fact that Wakatoshi was  _here_ , in his apartment, on Christmas Eve, after travelling here specifically to see him. And - that time he'd been in his living room alone and watched the interview. And the conversation he had with Eita.

He can’t stop thinking about it. It’s- Things are good now. With Wakatoshi, things have  _always_  been good, more than they've been difficult or scary or weird.

Because - Wakatoshi isn't going to leave. Satori knows that now, after years. The things that stop other people from hanging around don't matter to Wakatoshi, because he's his best friend.

So. Wakatoshi isn't going to leave, unless Satori decides to do something that makes him.

Jesus. Satori feels like a high schooler. Eita would tell him that he deserves to.

Wakatoshi is telling a story now. About how his team went ice fishing and he didn't like it because it was too cold, or something.

Satori is only half-listening. Focusing on his food like he hasn't eaten in years, looking up periodically and making a joking comment or grinning at Wakatoshi.

It's not working. Wakatoshi knows something's up. Satori left a big enough gap in their conversation that there was space for  _Wakatoshi_  to tell a story. Not even Satori encouraging him to tell a story, or having one coaxed out of him. He just came up with it, and now he's telling it.

And, well. It's that, but Wakatoshi is the kind of guy who always knows more than he lets on, and they've been friends for years. Wakatoshi's known something's up since he came out of the shower.

Eventually, they finish eating, and Wakatoshi's ice-fishing story comes to a close. Faster than it took him to come up with it. Satori says something bland about how it's nice he's getting along with his team now, and Wakatoshi frowns at him. Satori wonders if he's ruining his Christmas.

Well, he's about to ruin his own, so.

Wakatoshi pokes around Satori’s kitchen while he's clearing the table, and Satori tells him where the cake is. In a matter of minutes, it's sitting on the table in all its glory, alongside the small plates Wakatoshi took out of his cabinets. 

The cake is cutesier than Satori would have expected from a recommendation from Wakatoshi, or by extension, a grown and semi-esteemed volleyball player who is the captain of a previously-/newly-esteemed team. It’s white, topped generously with strawberries and three fondant bears wearing Santa hats. Satori can't tell if they're supposed to be friends or a little bear family.

When Satori picked the cake up, he'd thought to himself that he'd feel bad about cutting into it. Watching Wakatoshi with the knife, Satori thinks to himself that he's lucky his best friend doesn’t feel anything like that.

Wakatoshi cuts them both a piece, and then takes a forkful of cake and swallows. "It's good," he says. There's a little bit of whipped cream on the side of Wakatoshi's mouth, and he dabs at it with a napkin.

Satori takes a bite and tries to calm down while he chews. The sweetness is a little too subtle for Tendou’s tastes, but it’s definitely the kind of thing Wakatoshi would enjoy. That’s good. At least something good is coming out of today.

They just eat for a couple of minutes. Satori can see it putting Wakatoshi on edge. Every now and then, he makes the kind of little comments Satori can usually spin a conversation out of, but Satori doesn't have the energy to do anything, and their meal fizzles back out into the sounds of forks clinking on plates and the neighbors' muffled holiday music.

Eventually, Satori swallows and says, "I saw your TBS interview. The one you were talking to me about."

Wakatoshi immediately lights up, looking up from his cake to meet Satori’s eyes. It takes a lot for Satori not to look away. "I mentioned you in it. That's why I wanted you to see it," he says.

"I know. I appreciated it. It's..." Satori rubs his neck and swallows. "Wakatoshi-kun, I... I like you."

"I like you, too," Wakatoshi says almost reflexively, not even looking up from his plate.

"No," Satori says. "I  _like_  you."

Wakatoshi freezes, for a half-second. Like a lagging video game. "That doesn't make sense," he says, when he's working again. He doesn't look jarred at all. "You liked me in high school. But you don't anymore."

He's saying these things like he's talking down a frenzied child freaking out about the monster in his closet, voice calm and logical. Kind of like - Satori's a little confused, but he's here to help him out. "You... know I liked you in high school?"

Wakatoshi tilts his head. "Didn't you want me to? You said a lot of weird things about my body," he says. "And once you told me, 'When you have your first girlfriend, I'll be jealous of her.'"

Satori thinks about what it would take to reinvent physics so that it'd be possible for him to disappear where he's sitting.

"After that, you went to university, and you met more people, and you stopped liking me," Wakatoshi keeps explaining, like Satori wasn't there for his own life. He half-expects Wakatoshi to cap it all off with  _And now we're here._

"I didn't stop liking you," Satori says, but he cuts off that train of thought. It's too much to explain to Wakatoshi right now, who thinks he's boiled Satori's life to a convenient three sentences, and Satori doesn't know if he ever wants to explain that to him. "Wait... If you knew I liked you in high school, why didn'tcha ever say anything?"

Wakatoshi rubs his neck. Satori's chest constricts. "I had my first girlfriend before we met. She spent a lot of time getting mad at me. When we broke up, she said I shouldn't date anyone if I was going to treat them the way I treat her," he admits. "So I didn't."

The first thought Satori has is that Wakatoshi never told him that. Which is something, because Satori didn't think there was anything Wakatoshi never told him. He thinks that maybe he should have spent less time talking, but he knows that wouldn't have been enough.

The second thought Satori has soars in his chest, and it goes something like,  _If that's the only reason he didn't do anything, then_... He tries not to hold onto it.

"In university, you got over me. But I thought I overreacted, to what Ayame-chan said. My first girlfriend. We were both middle-schoolers. So in second year, I dated a guy who reminded me of-" Wakatoshi pauses abruptly. "Who was on the volleyball team with me. He ended up spending a lot of time getting mad at me, too." Wakatoshi fixes his gaze on the plate in front of him. "A couple of months ago, I tried dating a girl I met at a club. She..." Wakatoshi looks up at him, and then looks away. "I didn't want you to get mad at me."

"You never told me," Satori says, because he's not ready to entertain the other thought.

"I didn't like it when you talked to me about your boyfriends," Wakatoshi says, still not looking up.

"Wakatoshi-kun, I..." Satori trails off. He can't figure out what to say, and the atmosphere in the room is heavy. All the things they never said to each other. "I used to think we'd stop talking, eventually. In our last year of high school, I thought that'd be soon. So if I said all that stuff to you, if you knew, I didn't care. 'Cause you were gonna leave anyway."

Wakatoshi doesn't say anything. He doesn't, usually.

"The guy I dated in university. Miyuki-kun. I really... liked him," Satori admits.

"I know," Wakatoshi replies, too quickly, and Satori wonders if this conversation is really happening or it’s just a dream. The kind he’ll forget in the morning.

"He broke up with me because he thought I didn't care about him."

Wakatoshi doesn't look up.

"The reason you thought I got over you was 'cause I realized you weren't going to leave me behind. Over anything. 'Cause you... get me, Wakatoshi-kun. And I think get you, too." Satori looks at the cake Wakatoshi had ordered off their online catalogue, the bear he sawed in half. "Being your best friend is... I didn't think it would happen. At least, not for so long. And I like the way we are now so much I can't believe it's real sometimes. So I didn't want to mess it all up.”

Satori slumps forward. Wakatoshi still doesn’t talk, and Satori thinks about what Eita said. What he decided to do today.

"I stopped thinking you were gonna leave during university, y'know? And I can't handle thinking about it now. But I've been in love with you for years, and I... trust you, Wakatoshi-kun. Because I know you know me." Satori slumps over in the table. "That's why I told you."

"You're important to me, Tendou," Wakatoshi says, a little dismissively. Like Satori said a lot of pretty words, but it doesn’t change the truth.

"I know."

Wakatoshi looks at Satori, then,  _really_  looks at him, and for the first time in a long time, Satori has no idea what's behind his eyes. And then Wakatoshi says, "I love you, Tendou."

That’s more than Satori ever thought could happen, so crazy he thinks it’s too much for a dream, but there’s something in Wakatoshi’s voice that Satori doesn’t know if he ever heard before. Vulnerability, maybe.

Satori can see his reflection in Wakatoshi’s pupils, and he knows, more than anything, that he’s telling the truth.

"I know," Satori says again.

Wakatoshi stands up then, but he doesn't look away from Satori, doesn't make him think he's going to leave. He just moves over so he's next to him and says, "I'm going to kiss you."

The kiss is clumsy, and it’s weird, and Satori can’t stop thinking about the fact that it’s Wakatoshi here with him, right now. That it’s been years, and Wakatoshi knows Satori’s in love with him, knows him better than he knows himself, and he’s still here.

And he likes him, too.

The atmosphere in Satori’s kitchen is warm and comfortable, almost the way it always is when he’s with Wakatoshi. Except there’s something else, too. Something that makes Satori’s chest feel like it’s exploding, in the best kind of way.

Different, now. But better.

"You taste like cake, Wakatoshi-kun," Satori says. "Maybe you're the girl I'm going to marry."

For the first time since Satori can remember, Wakatoshi throws his head back and laughs.

**Author's Note:**

> me coming up with the concept for ushijima and his team in this fic: it's like..... he's lebron james and they're the cleveland cavaliers, but they're are semi-competent and the price ushijima pays for that is that they are mean. but they have a redemption arc.
> 
> there's a lot of random stuff i wanted to say here. uh, i wrote this while listening to "one week" by the barenaked ladies on repeat, which is a song that has absolutely nothing to do with this fic ~~except that that's roughly how long i had to write this~~. but it's a good song! also, [ this is semi @ tendou this entire fic](https://i.imgur.com/zBwakyA.jpg?fb).
> 
> also, let me give you a _real_ christmas present. [here's the weezer skit from the latest episode of snl.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ab5WvwfLuLM) all i know about weezer is i used to listen to "el scorcho" and think about the girl i sat behind in ap calc, but i have never been everyone in a youtube video the way i am when i watch this.
> 
> this is having less and less to do with the fic. uh, i really hope you enjoyed it! even if you didn't, i really appreciate that you took the time to read it. it is... long. but this fic does mean a lot to me and i'm really glad you're here.
> 
> whatever way you feel, i'd be really glad if you could let me know in the comments or drop me a line on [tumblr](https://spicymob.tumblr.com). thanks for everything, and have a great holiday season, or a great whatever-day-you're-reading-this season. keep it real!!
> 
> edit: i forgot to say! there miiight be an epilogue to this. just because i'm satisfied with this ending now but i might not be later. i'll add it as a new chapter, so if you're interested, feel free to subscribe!
> 
> also, FSPN stands for fake sports programming network. anyway, thanks again!


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